Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
