I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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