Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
