Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
