we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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