So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
