you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
