it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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