We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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