I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
