Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
