last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
