he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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