I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
