...so i touched it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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