YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
