Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
