just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
