I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
