maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
