I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
