If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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