I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
