After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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