if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
