I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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