xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
