need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
