I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
