So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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