Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
