I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
