So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
