Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
