look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no you cant smoke seaweed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
