Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
