What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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