Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
