this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
