i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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