my sisters under your porch take her home
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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