actually, I'm a sock model
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
