i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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