once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
