he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
