Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
