Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
