i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
