I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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