Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
