Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
